Confidence: Where does yours lie?

I'm going to tell you a quick story about the struggle I've had the past couple years and I promise it is all leading to a greater point. Please take my observations with a grain of salt and assume the best intentions, it is not meant to be arrogant but rather share what I have learned. Also, there are no pictures to describe this story so here's one of me in a giant bird costume at my Grandma's because I have no shame and this is about confidence right??

When Ryan and I first started dating I had a nasty, allergy-induced sinus infection that lasted 2 months where I couldn’t workout, ended up on steroids for my condition and inevitably gained some weight. It took some time to recondition but no matter what I did, still couldn’t lose it.

At that time, my thyroid medication had been switched and was causing a lot of problems. After seeing a specialist 7 months and 15 pounds later, I was put on the correct medication and dosage.

A couple weeks later, I started losing weight and my hard work, diet, and exercise finally paid off. I lost 10 of the 15 pounds until I got put on birth control before I got married.

Because of my birth control I gained 21 pounds in 2 months.

Anyone who knows me knows I am EXTREMELY dedicated to health and fitness. For months I was tracking calories, fruits and veggies, was at the gym daily, 3 days with a personal trainer. I broke out everywhere and was miserable. At my wedding I was the heaviest I had ever been and maintained that weight until I finally had enough and stopped taking the hormones in January

Since then I have dropped 20 of the 26 total pounds I gained from health problems in that two year period. Still in the process of losing.

What's the point Erin? I'm getting to that!

I understand. I get it. I have been unhappy in my body and covered in zits but I learned something valuable. It didn’t affect my confidence because that’s not where it stemmed from.

You could argue that I’ve had opportunities open to me because of my looks that have gotten me to achieve a higher level of confidence but you don’t know me! (insert finger wag)

The truth is I was seriously bullied and told I was ugly from the time we moved to Colorado in 5th grade until I graduated high school. It wasn’t until college that I understood it wasn’t me or my fault that triggered the extreme level of cruelty I experienced.

Despite all of this, my confidence has not wavered.

Why? Because it did not stem from my looks.

Preachy moment: My confidence comes from first and foremost, my faith and relationship with my Savior. It the most constant, uplifting and powerful relationship in my life, gives me stability and purpose, and I would not be who I am today if I was not rooted in that knowledge.

Second, I believe it comes from the self discipline I developed by working hard in school, volunteering, abstaining from drinking and drugs. Self restraint from turning the other cheek when it came to my bullies, and no this was not the kind of situation where standing up for myself would have helped. My Mother taught me to think for myself, develop opinions, get an education, take control and responsibility for my actions and all of those bits and pieces are what made me who I am and have given me the confidence that surpasses my looks.

Recently I’ve had several discussions with clients, friends, and a couple of Ryan’s friends about this very topic and one of Ryan’s friends mentioned that when his girlfriend got sick and gained a lot of weight, she completely lost her confidence and that she’s been like that ever since. Others have expressed or shown similar sentiments that after gaining weight, having children, getting older and finding wrinkles or gray hair, their confidence suffered.

The problem with that thinking is they misunderstand the concept of confidence.

Confidence in your looks is not confidence, it’s vanity.

I'm not trying to say that beauty isn't a tool or catalyst for confidence. Some of the most confident people I know are incredibly attractive and it has nothing to do with how they look, although that may have helped the confidence develop. It lies somewhere else.

I definitely had to adjust to my sudden change in appearance and was certainly tempted to be hard on myself, but at the end of the day I knew who I was, what I was capable of, and I made a choice.

I cannot tell you how to achieve confidence or get it back. I struggled to gain mine initially, and then get it back, and then get it back again through many trials in my early life, but when I finally did, I realized it came from my faith and my ability to act and not be acted upon. And I have stayed the course...for now lol.

I hope that all of you who are struggling, find peace knowing that you're not alone. Confidence is a process but despite what social media tells you, it cannot be dependent on your appearance. Looks change as we get older, go through normal stressful moments that life throws at us, through pregnancy, health problems, and sometimes because we are too busy to take care of ourselves. It is a fleeting qualifier that will fail you if you are not rooted in something deeper.

I challenge you to make a list of all the things that you are proud of, grateful for, like about yourself, and then make goals. Taking control of your life is one of the best confidence boosters I can think of!

God bless